s t a y

I have a struggle with waiting. I crave movement. I don’t like staying in the same spot for a long time, especially if I need to get to work or if I want to go home early. That struggle was only magnified last night as the bus I boarded queued behind long line of buses in Ayala. I cannot count how many times I looked at my phone to check how much time is passing as the bus remained still. Thoughts of getting off to go to the van terminal crossed my mind after 5 minutes of immobility. Then after 10 minutes, my stomach grumbled—reminding me that I haven’t had dinner yet.

“Should I stay or should I move?”

That question was the beginning of an internal monologue.

“No, you should stay, the bus will leave in a few minutes.”

“Go, you should get that salad wrap you’ve been craving for. It’s still open, it’s only 10pm”

“You can eat later at home. You need to get home to finish a project.”

Eventually, my hunger overpowered my will to wait. So I got off and half-ran to Salad Stop in Glorietta—only to find it closed. I wanted to throw a tantrum and cry at that moment but I didn’t. I held it in. I walked to the van terminal in hopes of getting home faster, but when I got there, there were only 3 people in the van. I know from experience that it will take more time if I wait there. And so I went back to the buses. Another monologue began…

“You should’ve waited,” I said to myself.

I didn’t. But I learned. I learned that there is strength in waiting. We magnify our desires instead of cultivating patience, because we want it here and now. The truth is we can’t have it all here and now. We need to wait. We need to stay.

Stay steadfast. Stay focused.

Stay and wait.

Remember… staying doesn’t always mean you’re settling for less. Staying is also a sign of grace and strength.

stay

/stā/
verb
  1. remain in the same place.
  2. remain in a specified state or position.
noun
  1. a period of staying somewhere, in particular of living somewhere temporarily as a visitor or guest.
  2. a curb or check.

You’re blessed when you stay on course,
    walking steadily on the road revealed by God.
You’re blessed when you follow his directions,
    doing your best to find him.
That’s right—you don’t go off on your own;
    you walk straight along the road he set.
You, God, prescribed the right way to live;
    now you expect us to live it.
Oh, that my steps might be steady,
    keeping to the course you set;
Then I’d never have any regrets
    in comparing my life with your counsel.
I thank you for speaking straight from your heart;
    I learn the pattern of your righteous ways.
I’m going to do what you tell me to do;
    don’t ever walk off and leave me.

Psalm 119:1-8, MSG

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